I wanna chat with him again.

I chatted with someone this morning around 1am, I guess. On a site called Omegle you can chat with anyone of different races. So I met, I mean chatted with this guy. He even said that I'm the only sane person there on that site. And it's true, you know? No, not that I'm saying that I'm the only sane person alive in that site. I mean, he to, for me, is the only human being you can talk with some sense. And so we spent hours chatting even though he's ill and all.

And I'll tell you more about him.

• Male
• 21 years old
• From Turkey (but he is recently in London)
• College student
• He studied translation
• With a good sense of humor
• Listens to oldies music
• Likes action movies

I even shared a song I like to him, entitled Like a G6, and he found it amazing. Haha. Then we continued talking about other things.

Draft Eight

I sit here

Thinking of words to scribble

But I guess

Words aren't enough.

I don't want to think of you

I don't want to think of me with you

I don't want to think

That it might have been "us".

Created on August 22, 2010 at 2:54 am

Draft Seven.

I'LL NEVER FALL

I'll never fall for a guy as flirt as you.

I won't.

I don't want to.

You, saying you miss a girl.

You, saying you love a girl...

As if "I love you" is as immaterial

As you think.

You, doing all these things to me

And unknowingly,

You're doing it all to them, too.

To them you first met.

To them you're close with.

To me you're near with.

To me you just met.

Ha, alas! I am right.

I am right not to admit I like you.

I am right not to expect.

I am right to choose

Not to get hurt.

Yes, dear friend.

I'm talking about you.

Draft Five.

I Won't Regret, I'll Talk To You

I still love you.

But I have to end this for the both of us.

I wanted you to be the one I love.

But I love myself more than I love you.

So goodbye, lover.

That talk we'll be  having

Is nothing more than that of friends.

I'll do it for the sake of our friendship.

Bitterness has no space.

Friendship has many.

So before the former happen,

I'll do everything to prevent it.

I'll talk to you.

Maybe for the last time.

And nothing more than that.

I'll talk to you.

But after this,

I don't want any other.

Whatever you're going to say.

Whatever you're going to do.

Whatever it is that will happen...

I won't let it affect my state of mind.

Draft Four.

I told myself I won't be thinking about you ever again

I told myself I should move on.

I am the one who left.

I am the one who gave up.

I am the one...

So the blame is on me, isn't it?

It's my fault.

That's what all others ever think.

And it sucks.

Created on July 21, 2010 at 02:40 AM

Draft Three.

Tonight I lay here

Thinking of how we used to be just side by side

Thinking how the two of us started as strangers

Thinking of how I sang that song for you

While you sat there, playing the guitar

Tonight I lay here

Motionless as the air I breathe

Vulnerable like a child

Sad like the dark room staring at me

Created on July 21, 2010 at 01:27 AM

Draft Two.

I want to desperately forget about you.

But every single thing I do,

reminds me of every memory of you.

Created on July 20, 2010 at 2:42 AM

To do, or not to do.

At one point in our life, everyone will give a reason not to do something they don't want.

What to do when that happens? If you're the one concerned in this kind of situation, think why you don't want to do it. If it will greatly affect you and the situation (if your refusal will make it worse)... try to convince yourself that you certainly need to do it! REMEMBER:

You must grab an opportunity... it may never come back again.

But if you're another person and you want to help the one refusing to do that certain action, convince him/her. But first, see if it will be for his good or for the good of other people. If it is not, forget about it: you might be wasting his time and effort as well as yours. If it is, go for it.

Let others do their thing; let me do mine.

I'm not smart enough to compete with ***.
Not friendly enough like *** that most people post that stupid chain message (about friends; and the more you get those, the more friends you have) on her Facebook wall.
I don't have friends like *** that will prepare sooooo much for her debut with that vehemently exerted effort.
Not beautiful enough to gain fame.
I am single with no boyfriend who shows he cares.
My family is not well-known; we're not even rich.
I don't excel that much.
I don't even know where I'm good at.
People... they judge me.

But them and to myself, I say:

I don't care whether or not I'm at the top. I don't care if I don't get as many friends as you have. Nor do I care if my friends are not exerting their all-out efforts. I still don't give a damn if people think I am nothing but a potato or a pumpkin or any other things that seem so useless. I don't care if you don't give a damn. All I know is that: I AM WHO I AM.

Let others do their thing; let me do mine. I've been in a state where I compared almost all my actions to other people that I forgot who I really am... that I forgot I am different from them... that I forgot I am unique in my own special way.

I want to rebuild the cathedral I once destroyed. I want to remind myself that sometimes it is necessary to listen to what other people will say but most often, you must listen to what your heart and mind speaks in harmony and to the voice of God that will definitely lead you to the path you ought to take. :)

Draft One.

And now I left you standing there...
Under the cold-lit night.
Even the brightness of the moon is nothing without you by my side.
Even the sweetest flower withers.
Even I don't know what I have done.

But please do understand...
But then, it's confusing.
For me to say I love you.
For me to say I won't give up.
And in one snap of fate,
all is gone.

All. Nothing.
I'm left with nothing.
Nothing but our sweetest memories.
Sweet memories that seemed to happen just yesterday.
Yesterday that seemed so long.

You were my lover.
I, too, was yours.
We were once so strong.
But I gave it all up.

I gave it all up not because I don't love you.
Or maybe I do.

In midair you hang
With nothing but my sweet lies.
In darkness I walk.
With nothing but tears on my eyes.

I love you.
But I love myself, too.
I love you.
But I guess it wasn't enough.
I love you.
But we're not who we were before.

Originally created on the 20th of October 2010 at 9:17 pm for someone whose heart I broke. Well, time pass. Feelings change, people as well. Recently, I realize that I did not really love him... or maybe I do. I don't know.

First Post.

Nah-ah, lemme try this first.

I once had 5 blogs created for different purposes, but, an instance came where I have to delete those, including some posts in my Tumblr account. Damn, right? I think twice (even thrice) before I created this new one. But since I want this stuff, I got over with the thinking and here I am... scribbling.

So, what made me delete my blogs? Simple. Someone asked me to delete my posts about him/her (and shit they're a whole bunch of posts, mind you). So instead of me navigating every single blog post, I decided to delete it all so no problem will occur. That dude...

I realized just now that he's so shitty. Yeah, shitty. But never do mind, a person like him is not worth my precious time.