Confessions of an ignorant.

Dear friend,

      Well, I'm trying to imitate that one from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and I hope it will be alright. Seems like I'm writing to a friend, in this case, who doesn't even exist.

      I'm not yet done reading the book and I'm not even reading it from the book itself. I got an ebook. So to speak, it isn't that easy to read from your laptop. Nevertheless, it seems worthwhile. I started going through it weeks ago but I stopped to resume my reading of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. After I finished the fifth book, I proceeded reading the sixth but I, again, found myself lost in thought so I continued reading the Perks again. I guess my life is really unpredictable so as the person trying to live it.

      I really enjoyed reading books, but not all. And when I first set eyes on the Perks I really don't know what to expect from it. I tried reading an outline of it but I found it vague and simply confusing. From the first pages of the book, I thought that the main character "Charlie" was a girl. I was actually uncertain. I found it hard to decipher his/her gender because "Charlie" can be a girl's name, you know. At times, my perception's fooling me and I thought him a boy. But then phrases in the book made me really wonder what the real gender is. Take for example the instances he/she mentioned that "I cried".

      I've never known a single boy soul who'd write something like that... like he cried. I mean, oh fine, face the truth, boys do cry... but to mean it like that? I haven't met a valiant man in my life to admit it that way. And I'm not really excited doing so, I personally do not like boys crying because of small matters. It depends. So for me, he's not valiant at all. Well... it really depends.

      So to put a conclusion for everything, I asked my friend. She said Charlie's a boy.

      Everything went well (my reading the book) until I read words I shouldn't read and haven't expected to be there. To tell you the truth I actually freaked out when I first read it. I had this stupid idea of closing my laptop's lid and never again set eyes on that story. But maturity speaks, I have to control myself, you know, not a kid anymore. But seriously, I thought of that.

      And if you're wondering what these words are specifically, I have no business mentioning them in here. You might as well murder me. But if you're really curious, read it. It won't hurt.

      So back in what we're talking about, I resumed reading it, anyway. For most people it may not be a real big deal... but for me, it -- er -- well, not really a big deal. I'm not just used to talking about stuff like this. Swear. And I don't have an inkling to do so.

      It was my second time reading it. I got tired so I stopped again. I've noticed that as you flipped every page, more and more bold yet obscure happenings are occurring.

      And as always, I'm having the idea of not continuing it. But I found the story unexpected and the character flexible; the writing is plain yet it has the power of holding your eyes in the place; the ending is unpredictable... and that's what I like the most.

      And if you're thinking why I have that title for this post and still don't know the reason... go shoot yourself.

(R) Kiddin'. But I really do hope against hope that you get it. Otherwise, I have to admit... you're a lousy douche bag.

Busy ako at wala 'tong kwenta.

Sa sobrang dami ng gusto kong ipost, wala akong mapost. Preposterous, innit?

Now playing: "California King Bed" by Rihanna


Sinabi ko lang, wala kasi akong masabi. Wala na 'kong magawa at di ko alam kung bakit ko ginagawa itong ginagawa ko e alam ko namang walang pupuntahan 'to. Siguro drafts ang patutunguhan nito... siguro hindi.

Now playing: "Do It Like a Dude" by Jessie J


Tinatawag ako ng kapatid ko, nasa CR siya. Kunwari hindi ko naririnig. Waaaa. Wala akong naririnig... naka-earphones ako. Blah, blah, blah. I can do it like a brother, do it like a dude. Wala wala wala. Ugh. Di ko na kayang magpanggap. Naiwan daw niya towel niya. Akalain mo yun? Maliligo tapos kakalimutan towel? Putragis ako pa pakukuhanin.

Now playing: "Kiss me thru the phone"
*next*
Now playing: "Whip my hair back and forth"


Mapagtya-tyagaang kanta. Wala na 'kong masabi. Walang kwenta yung kanta. Whip your hair, bitch. Papahaba muna 'kong buhok. Lipat.

Now playing: "Peacock"
Nakakatamad ilagay kung sino kumanta. Pero si Katy Perry yan. Haha. Ayoko 'to, di ko alam lyrics.

Now playing: "Price tag"
Pucha kasawa. Iba naman.

Now playing: "Brick"
Tae luma na 'to eh.

Now playing: "Moment 4 Life"
"To live doesn't mean you're alive." Yo, Nicki Minaj. Naalala ko, kinabisado ko 2012 dahil sabi ni Ebangs gusto daw niyang kantahin ko. Sabi ko ayoko, nakakatamad. Pero kinabisado ko. Pati rap ni Minaj. Ang saya. Nauto niya 'ko. Haha. Pero hindi ko siya kinakantahan. Ayoko pang magunaw mundo. Hmm, subukan ko ngang kabisaduhin 'tong kantang 'to. Pati rap. Lipat.

Now playing: "Higher"
Mataas. Woo. Parang kelan lang wala pang kanta dito. Pero dahil sa ginintuang puso ng ate ko, nagkaroon na. Lame. Late na 'ko sa mga kanta. Hindi ko na alam kung ano unang papakinggan. Hindi na 'ko nakakarinig ng screamo. Nawala na ang "Blessthefall", "Finch", "Flyleaf" atbp. Isa na lang ang kanta ng "The Used". Bilang na lang din ang kanta ng "The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus". Naiiyak na 'ko.

Now playing: "Who's that chick"
Bakit ko nga ba sinasabi lahat ng 'to. Simple lang. Dahil gusto ko. Walang pakelamanan. Ayoko na ng kantang 'to. Lipat.

Now playing: "Heart Vacancy"
Teka uulitin ko. Kakantahin ko. Hahaha.
(after seconds)
Tae may mga batang makukulit. Ayoko nang may bata pag naglalaptop ako. Shit. Binigyan ko nga ng ice candy para umalis sa tabi ko. Ay shit. May beke pala 'to. Patay.
Bahala na...
Maganda yung kanta. Promise. Naka-relate ako ng di oras. Eto na, pinatawag na yung batang may beke. Shit. Pag tinanong siya sana magsinungaling siya. Pleaase.

Nag-skip ako ng 5 kanta.


Now playing: "Judas"
Ayan na. Eto lang talaga hinihintay ko. Pagkatapos nito aalis na 'ko. May gagawin akong kukumpleto sa araw ko. Yes.

Oooh. I'm in love with Juda-as, Juda-as.
I'm just a Holy fool but baby it's so cruel.
I'm still in love with Judas, baby.


Sabi ko dati aalamin ko issue sa kantang 'to. Kaso as usual, tinamad ako. Nandito na si Mama. Inulit ko ulit yung kanta. Haha.

I cling to!


Tapos na ang kalokohan. Panahon na para gawin ang dapat gawin. Itapon ang post na 'to.


(R) Never mind this, okay? I just thought I need to update. So here's the product of insanity.

Tired of your bullshits.

     In some point in your life, you are all going to feel pissed, taunted at, insulted, hated, discriminated, judged... belittled. Well, part of being human. I know not of a person who has seen life with no dumbasses who try to get in their way. Or pretty little bitches who screw their lives for their own satisfaction. All are bound to experience disappointments in life. All are bound to feel helpless, restless... All. With no exception.

     But no matter how hard life is on you; no matter how mean people are; no matter how painful the circumstances can be; no matter how hopeless you may be; no matter how you feel solitary; no matter what... Don't ever forget that little light that shine upon you. See the light as the only candle in a dark-lit room. Yes, it may only be a flick of light but it will be the one to show you where the right roads are. It will always be the one to bring you back to who you were before sadness fell upon you --- a person who sees things in a rightful way; who views people as friends and never enemies; who experiences every moment with great pleasure, not dislike; who shares his joys, success, triumphs and everything good in him so that people may see him as an outstanding inspiration.

     Life is only lived once. Would you rather choose to spend it asking why do bad things happen to you every once in a while? Or treasure every moment because you know that things happen for a purpose? Well, the latter is always a better choice.

AJ Perez's letter to his "future" girlfriend.

(C) Originally found as a Tumblr post and according to them, this was from Candy magazine.

Dear Future Girlfriend,

     I've already come across many nice girls, all of them gorgeous in their own way, but like you, I am still searching. I don’t think it’ll be too hard, because I don’t really demand too much- after all, I am not looking for Ms. Perfect, I am looking for Ms. Right. Physically, you may be the simplest girl in the room, but there has to be that certain something about you that I find charming. It will be nice, of course, if you have positive attitude and an interesting personality. I hope that you can be understanding and supportive of the things I do and the things that are important to me. It will be great if you can make me laugh! There are no dull moments with someone that I know is funny. I want our relationship to be filled with excitement and surprises- I don’t want anything stagnant; I don’t want “just okay”. One of my weaknesses is the sweetness of a girl. If you can find a way to cheer me up after a long bad day, that would really make me feel good. I will also appreciate if you text me sweet stuff. I’d like to wake up to a good morning message from you, and go to bed at the end of the day after hearing you say goodnight. Another thing you should know: I believe that the best relationships always start from friendship. I want to be able to talk to you, be silly with you, and simply hang out with you. I want you to value the “friend” part of being my girlfriend. I also want us to share each other’s life, and I don’t want everything to be just about the two of us. I want our relationship to extend to other aspects of our lives, including our friends, family, and most of all GOD. A relationship will last only if we accept both the good and bad things about each other. Despite all the criteria I’ve mentioned above, I want to make it clear that I don’t want you to change a single thing about yourself just to please me. Losing your identity and turning into someone completely different is not necessary. Relax, I already like you, and I like you for who you truly are. I am looking forward to meeting you, and I know that one of these days, I will. I trust that we’ll find each other soon, and when that time comes, I know you’ll prove to me that you were definitely worth to wait.

Your Future Boyfriend,

AJ PEREZ

Whatever Happens.

THIS IS OH-MY-GOSH! Chachi is aaaaaawesome. And both their moves are unbelievable; if I can do "thumbs up" and "hands down" simultaneously, I would! Great choreography and all; I just wish they did something with the audio. Beats, perhaps? Whatever they may like. Suits both of them best!


(R) Had I not given my dancing life up when I was little, I would be close to what they are now... but I should not get my hopes up. LOL. Well, that's midway to perfect seriousness, though. 

If.

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too: If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream---and not make dreams your master; If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same:. If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

Hands down for this commercial.

Girl: Girlfriend mo na ba 'ko?
Boy: Ayoko nga! Di pa 'ko ready eh...
Girl: Huh??
Boy: Demanding ang mga girlfriend; gusto ganto, gusto ganyan... ewan!
Girl: Gusto ko lang naman ng Mcdo fries eh...
Boy: (insert triumphant look here) Talaga?

Cheers! If only life could be as easy as buying Mcdo fries...

Paulit-ulit. Nakakasawa.

Lol the title, I can die now.

I got tired of continuing that story... I mean, those stories.

Boredom strikes.

Procrastination bites.

Annoyance hits.

Insecurity shits.

BGM: Rocketeer.

Makakabisado rin kita. Pati rap mo. Pramis, kahit ikamatay mo pa yun.

Sagutin niyo yung tanong sa next story ko. Kumbinsihin niyo 'ko. Dahil kung hindi... eh di hindi. Kapag walang binatbat sagot niyo, tapon niyo na. Lalo lang akong maiinis.

BGM: ET

Katy Perry, anong nangyayari sa'yo? Following the footsteps of Lady Gaga, eh? The world is getting freakier.

**********

          Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan pasensya ko. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit nagttype ako ng ganito ngayon eh. Walang kwenta 'to, bitin niyo na 'ko patiwarik. Samahan niyo pa ng sako. Pero joke lang, una muna kayo tas susunod.... siya! Siya at hindi ako!

Hindi ko alam ba't madali akong magsawa.

          Maraming bagay na rin ang pinagsasawaan ko: laruan, pagkain, damit... Natatandaan ko nun favorite ko yung Dinuguan. Araw-araw nagpapabili ako kay Mama nun. Nonstop. 2 weeks ko atang kinakain yun; umaga hanggang gabi. Walang sawa. As in. Tapos isang araw hindi ako nagpabili kay Mama, bumili pa rin siya. Nung umupo ako para kumain, naka-isang subo lang ako. Naumay na 'ko. Tignan ko pa lang yung ulam ayoko na... Sawa na eh. Nalaman ko na kahit gaano mo pala kagusto ang isang bagay, magsasawa ka rin pag paulit-ulit na.

          Hindi lang bagay pinagsasawaan ko... pati tao. Maniwala man kayo o hindi (pero kung ako sa inyo maniniwala na 'ko) pinagsasawaan ko ang mga ilang tao sa buhay ko. Naalala ko yung kaibigan ng ex ko. Gusto ko, gusto ako. Okay. MU. Tapos nagsawa ako kasi bigla kong na-realize na sa una lang pala yung kilig at kalaunan ay corny na.

           Isa pa, yung kaklase ko nung fourth year. Nagbigayan pa kami ng karapatang magselos, at ilan pang karapatan sa ibang bagay na dapat ay ginagawa lang ng mag-syota... pero wala rin. Todo banatan pa kami ng mga cheesy lines nun as in yung cheesy talaga muntik na 'kong dagain sa sobrang keso. Nung una ang sweet putik sarap mamatay, heaven ang feeling. Kalaunan nagsawa na rin ako. Puro selos, puro explanation. May makatext lang na iba, mararamdaman mong ayaw niya. Ikaw naman 'tong si tanga. Kahit kaibigan mo lang, susunod ka pa rin sa gusto niyang wag mo na itext. Kontrolin daw ba buhay mo? Tangna ano ka syota ko? Ni nanay ko nga di ako kinokontrol. Ikaw pa? Gago.

          Tapos ayun. Para san nga ba 'tong post na 'to? Ngayon ko lang naisip. Sabi ko maikli lang dapat, pangbawi sana sa dapat na ipopost ko kaso hindi ko pa tapos eh. O basta bahala na kung saan madala ng usapan.

Nasan na kasi? Kahit ano, bahala na.

          Banatan. Puro kami banatan ng korning cheesy lines. Baka pag nalaman niyo kung ano mga pinagsasabi namin, isuka niyo kalamnan niyo. Punyeta pag naaalala ko, nananaas balahibo ko. Corny. Swear. Kaya ngayon natuto na 'ko. Ayoko nang may bumabanat sakin. Hindi sa naaalala ko siya... Ayoko lang magsawa. Wala nga siyang balak ihinto, pero ako meron. Basta. Sawang-sawa na 'ko. Yun ang problema ko.

          Madalas ko pang sinasabi sa kanya na walang sukuan. Hanggang dulo na 'to. Di ako susuko hangga't kaya ko. Sweet ko noh? Una lang pala yun. Nagsawa din ako kaya sumuko na 'ko. Katamad eh. Ano pa ba?

          Ayoko rin ng demanding. Tangna ganon siya eh. (Feeling ko buburahin ko 'tong post na 'to sa future. Baka may makabasa na kakilala niya at pag nalaman niya --- patay. Patay siya, hindi ako. Haha. Kdot.) Ulit nga.

          Ayoko ng demanding... gusto ganito, gusto ganyan --- ewan! "Gusto ko lang naman ng Mcdo fries eh." Hay nako, kung ganyan lang sana kadali lahat, laklakin ko pa fries mo. Kaso hindi. Ayoko nang may nagdedemand ng panahon at oras ko. Ayokong istorbo sa lahat ng plano ko. Sorry. Pero kung di niya masikmura, bye. Naaalala ko nun, kaya nawala lahat dahil nakaamoy ako ng pagdedemand. "Muntik na 'kong manakawan ng cellphone blah blah blah pero okay lang, di ka naman nagtetext eh..." Tangna mo, pakyu. Wala kong pake. At dahil dun sa message na yun, nawala ang lahat. Hahaha. Galing noh? Parang lahat ng naipon kong inis sumabog bigla. Lahat ng pagtitimpi ko, naibuhos ko sa isang iglap. Ayos bui. Lahat na ng ayoko, nasabi ko sa kanya. Lahat na. Except sa katotohanang nagsasawa na rin ako.

Right now, I'm pissed.

          I can't register to this effin' Globe superunli, what the faq. I've called them on our landline and told me to dial these fucking numbers on my phone. I've dialed those stupid numbers for a million or so and got no shitty answer. They'll talk for minutes, blah blah blah, then there would be this fucking tone from Globe. Next comes a long buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ----- stop. Silence. And then that beep indicating that you are disconnected. Like, oh shit. You just made my life a living hell. Don't block my SIM, I'm warning you.

Nanaginip ako. Ang weird.

Alam ko normal yun. Pero ang weird nung kanina.

"Boogsh! Boogsh!" (gunshots)

Nagbabarilan sila. Wala ako sa characters ng panaginip ko, basta alam ko napapanood ko sila at nandun ako. Pero hindi ko makita sarili ko. Isang babae, isang lalaki. Tumatakas. Nakasuot sila ng mga damit na tila pang-sinaunang panahon pa. Pramis, walang halong biro. Pangalanan nga natin sila, nalilito ako! Yung babae si Chikitita, yung lalaki si Eduardo. (Parang pinagkaitan ng pagkakataon ang pangalang Chikitita.) Naka-white long sleeves 'tong si Chikitita, mahaba ang buhok, seksi, naka-cowboy pants at naka-brown boots. Si Eduardo, hindi ko alam, di ko nasulyapan ang kanyang pagmumukha. Pero malakas ang kutob ko na gwapo 'to eh. Sila yata ang bida sa panaginip ko.

May humahabol sa kanilang tatlong lalaki. Macho. Pero hindi papabols. Pang cowboy din ang suot at may Stetson hat pa.

"Booghs! Boogsh!" Naulit pa ang mga putok pero hindi pa rin maasinta ang dalawang nilalang na hinahabol ng mga halimaw. May tinalunan na pader si Chikitita, at napansin ko na hindi mukhang pader ng Pilipinas 'yon. Parang sa Spain siguro... o di kaya'y sa Italy?

Tumakbo pa sila. Hingal. Hinga. Hing. Hin. Hi. H.

Hindi na sila makapagsalita sa pagmamadali. At hindi ko rin alam kung bakit sila hinahabol. Ilang saglit pa, nakita na nila ang gate!

"Tara, Chikitita!", ang sambit ni Eduardo. Sa totoo lang, wala talagang sounds yun. Feeling ko lang na yun yung sinabi niya.

Ngunit anong gate 'to ay hindi ko rin alam. Basta ang alam ko, swerte nila at nakita nila ang gate na ito. Hindi engrande eh, simple lang. Kulay gray na napapalibutan ng mataas na dilaw na pader na gawa sa bricks. May grills na tama ang distansya sa bawat isa, sapat makapasok ang braso ni Machete. Ramdam kong kailangan nilang pumasok sa gate na 'yon. Pero paano? Naka-lock. Natatandaan kong may malaking silver padlock ito upang hindi mabuksan.

Hindi ko pa rin nakikita ang sarili ko sa aking panaginip. Nakapako kaya ako? Eh bakit nakikita ko ang ibang taong hindi ko naman nakita sa tanang buhay ko?

Naguusap sila. Hindi ko na maintindihan. Punyeta, panaginip ko 'to guys.

Nawala sila sa eksena. Ibang lugar naman ang napuntahan ng galera kong mga mata. Tatlong nilalang: dalawang lalaki, isang babae. Pangalanan ulit natin: Mercedita, Armando, at Pablo. Nakadamit din ata sila nang pang-cowboy at nasa parehong itsura ng lugar lamang, katulad kila Chikitita at Eduardo. Napansin ko na si Armando lagi ang nakikita ko. Gwapo, hindi gaanong maputi pero hindi maitim. Moreno. Gwapo, pero parang trenta anyos na. Gwapo, kaso may kulubot.

Tumatakbo din ang mga ito, pero hindi kagaya ng mga unang karakter na nabanggit na nagtatakbuhan sa labas, medyo sosyal sila. Sa loob sila ng isang imprastraktura tumatakbo. Ganoon pa rin ang mga pader ngunit ang lapag ay hindi gawang semento, gawa itong buhangin.

Mainit ang panahon. Nagtakbuhan pa sila na tila may hinahanap. Hindi sila hiningal. Kalaunan ay nakarating sila sa isang kwarto, sapat para magkasya ang sampung katao. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kataas ang kisame nito pero parang wala. Wala ring pinto papasok. Ngunit may isang gate na katapat ng pinasukan nila.

Naghanap pa sila. Alam nilang nandoon lang ang hinahanap nila. Ngunit hindi ko alam kung ano 'yon. Basta nararamdaman ko sa kanila na nandoon lang yon.

Nag-iba ulit ng lugar. Nasa labas na naman. Mainit!

Nasa tapat ng isang gate sila Chikitita at Eduardo. Tapos nawala, tumakbo sila ng kaunti. Baril. Baril. Takbo. Bumalik sila sa tapat ng gate. Kinalampag nila ito. Nagmamakaawa na ang babae.

"Buksan niyo 'to! Buksan niyo. Maawa na kayo", ang kanyang pagmamakaawa. Kinalampag muli ng dalawa ang bakal na gate. Boog! Boog! Boog!

Butiking putol ang buntot.

Binuksan ko ang shower at hinintay na mabalutan ng tubig ang katawan ko. Pucha parang si Agua lang. Nag-shampoo ako. Nagsabon. Nagbanlaw. Naghugas ng mukha. Nagbanlaw. Nagsabon ulit ng katawan. Nagbanlaw. At tsaka ko naisip shit, kaya pala nagkakaroon ng shortage sa tubig. Naisip ko na hindi lang naman ako ang gumagawa nito, mas marami pa ngang tao ang nagpupuno ng bath tub at swimming pool nila araw-araw. Pero hindi talaga ito ang gustong iparating ng entry ko. Sinabi ko lang dahil wala akong masabi. Ano daw?

                Kinuha ko ang isa kong tuwalya, nagpunas ng kapuranggit kong buhok at binalot ito. Kinuha ko pa ang isa kong tuwalya, nagpunas ng katawan at nagbalot. Pagkatapos ay binuksan ko ang namumulaklak naming shower curtain at napa-PUNYETA! May butiking nahulog sa harap ko! Tinitigan ko ito nang panandalian habang siya’y gumapang papalayo. Napansin ko na wala siyang buntot pero patuloy itong gumagapang.

                Ngayon nasa sala ako. Nanonood kami ng Legion. Wala na kaming ginawa kundi manood ng mga movie na mahirap intindihan kung walang subtitle. Simula paglabas ko ng banyo, iniisip ko kung bakit sa dinami-rami ng pagkakataon ay kailangang kanina ko pa makita yung putragis na butiking walang buntot na gumulat sa kaluluwa ko. At naisip ko na parang sa buhay lang ng tao… Maputol man ang isang bahagi ng iyong sarili, magpapatuloy at magpapatuloy ka pa rin. Hindi mo dapat hayaang maging hadlang ito. Dahil sa pagdating ng panahon, tutubo rin ang isang bahaging iyon na naputol ng pagkakataon.

                Katulad ng buntot ng butiking gumulat sa kaluluwa ko.

**********

                At ngayon nanonood pa rin ako ng Legion. Isang pelikulang ang pinaka-punto ay pag-asa. Pag-asa sa gitna ng kadiliman. Pag-asa kahit alam mong parang wala na. Lalaban ka kahit parang wala namang pupuntahan. Dahil hindi natin alam kung ano ang pwedeng ibigay ng pagkakataon. Basta tutuloy ka pa rin kahit may kulang na mga parte. Parang yung punyetang butiki na hindi huminto at gumapang pa rin.

(Kakatapos lang ng Legion)

...

Just now as I was reading my previous blog posts, I thought of deleting the stupid drafts. I have read and reread it --- then I see myself belittling my works. I say, what the fuck, I did those at the height of my emotions so what the fuck they were so lame, so useless, so like a shit.

                But then I remembered myself deleting my previous blog (by this, I mean the whole blog) and afterwards, regretting it. I also remembered deleting random things I created and regretting it hitherto.

So maybe, it’s always not a good idea to erase memoirs you don’t want in your life just because you felt like doing so. Either way, it will always leave a mark on who you are.

Dear Juliet...

     

 Amanda Seyfried on Letters to Juliet (2010)

     I've always wanted a man who can see through me. All these years I am hoping to meet him, but he never came. It occurred to me that I'll never find that man I dream of... fat chance, you see? Me having that guy so perfect for me plus a perfect relationship? I'm not even a good-for-everything and I don't see a reason that makes me worthy of him.

     But see? Though the chances are slim... I'd still want to meet him. I want to be in places with him. Through thick and thin, we'd be together. And I don't really know what to do whenever I think about my ever-wanted dream...