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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ayoko sa lahat yung...

Yung ipaparating ko yung point ko tapos hindi maiintindihan.
Ilang beses pauulitin ngunit tila walang narinig.
Yung magdadabog na akala mo bata.
Magpaparinig pa yan, punyeta.

Ayokong nag-aaway sa mababaw na dahilan.
Akala wala nang ibang pagkakataon para magsigawan.
Tingi'y ikamamatay kung hindi magsasagutan.
Tila ang kausap ay nasa kabundukan.

Naiinis ako tuwing tama ako pero pinagmumukha akong mali.
Nabu-bwiset kapag paulit-ulit na pero wala paring epekto.
Napapa-punyeta tuwing ipapaalala sa'kin ang dating ayoko nang maalala.
Nayayamot kapag ganito.

Ay bwiset, magkaaway na naman kami.
Sa anong dahilan kamo?
Sikretong malupit, bawal sambitin.
Sa sobrang babaw, di ka malulunod.

Tangna ate, mag-apartment ka na. Ako na sa kwarto mo para makaiyak naman ako.

© R. Di ako iiyak para sa lalaki kaya wag magisip ng kung ano.

What makes people happy?

What makes people happy, anyway?

I wonder... Can you give me that? Please. Or maybe just let me borrow it for some time. I would just like to feel the same feelings others feel. I felt quite weird now. I felt lonely. I felt left out. I think my life's fucked up.

What makes people happy? I really want to know. Money? Jewelry? Clothes? Shoes? Education? Or maybe work, food, liquor, cigarette, sex? I don't know.

I know some will say positively charged messages like, "people are happy because they are content" or "you don't need material things to make you happy". But is it really that way? Having them will really make me happy but only for a mean time.

It's always like that. And I hate thinking what's next to do to be happy. I'm epic I don't know what else to say.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Mga bagay na ipinag-pa-pasalamat ko at naging kaibigan ko ang mga kaibigan ko.

Yung maguusap kayo kung anong oras magkikita-kita.
Yung maghihintayan sa baba ng LRT.
Sabay sasakay ng jeep.
Isa-save ka ng upuan at papasingitin ka pa.
Sasamahan ka sa main building kahit sobrang init.
Hihintayin kang matapos mag-asikaso kahit sa sahig lang sila umupo.
Kahit anong kainin niyo, okay lang.
Sama-samang mapapahiya.
Maguusap ng kahit ano, kahit minsan wala nang sense.
Yung sa kanila mo lang nasasabi ang ibang bagay na hinding-hindi mo sasabihin sa iba.

Ilan lamang yan sa mga nagawa ng aking mga kaibigan ngayong araw para patunayan na hindi kami nagkamaling maging kaibigan ang isa't-isa.

********

Matalinong bata si Susan at pala-kaibigan pa. Ngunit napansin nila Edmund at Peter na tila may mali sa kanyang ugali. Hindi nga naman masamang "may mali sa kanyang ugali", ngunit dapat nating pakatandaan na lahat ng sobra ay nakasasama. Hindi nila maintindihan kung talaga nga bang kaibigan ang turing niya sa mga kaibigan niya o ito'y isang pagpapanggap lamang para sa kanyang ikabubuti. Sa kanilang pananaw ay nagiging user-friendly ang nabanggit na hampaslupa dalagita. At ang iba pang mga panlalait nila dito ay sa kanila na lamang, dahil sila lang naman ang nagkakaintindihan.

********

Umalis na naman sa upuan si Lucy, at dumako sa ibang himpapawid. Normal nang gawain ito para sa kanya, ang mambulabog ng iba tapos iiwan bigla... lilipat sa ibang pwedeng bulabugin. Nakakainis, ang tanging reaksyon ng mga tao sa kanyang paligid lalo na kapag sila ang binubulabog. Hindi maunawaan ang pagkatao ng batang ito: minsan mabait... minsan lang talaga. Tapos biglang matutulala. Tapos biglang maingay. Tapos... tapos na. Nakakainis na. Ito ang dakilang "walang pinapanigan pero meron naman" at ang nagiisang "sabi ni ganito, ganito ka raw". Yan ang kanyang field of expertise, minsan nga gusto ko nang magpa-tutor.

*******

      Sa ating paaralan, normal na ang magkaroon ng barkada. Yung barkadang sasandalan mo pag inaantok ka na, yung dadamayan kang makipaglamay, yung patatawanin ka kahit alam nilang puno ang bibig mo at higit sa lahat, yung tutulungan ka... na mahulog sa kanal.
       May nakilala ako sa dati kong eskwelahan. Sila yung grupo ng matatalinong tao kung tao man silang maituturing. Tila'y lamanlupa eh. Mukhang masaya sila sa grupo nila, ang una kong naisip. Madalas kasi silang magtawanan, madalas magbiruan at kahit pa mga babae sila e kaya nilang makipagsabayan sa mga lalaki. Perpekto. Walang labis, walang kulang. Sila yung grupong gugustuhin mong kabilangan... ngunit hindi pala.

      Minsan na akong napalapit sa kanila at dahil mapag-obserba akong tao, napansin kong may pagkukulang ang grupong halos tingalain ko na. Napansin kong may kakaiba sa pakikitungo nila sa isa't-isa sa ibang pagkakataon. Napansin kong tila yata'y pagkakaibigan nila ay minsang nauuwi sa paggagamitan. Ang mga tawa't halakhak ay nawawala sa pagdaan ng panahon. Ang mga papuri sa isa't-isa ay ginugustong angkinin. Ang mga kwentuha'y paninira sa ibang tao at ang panlalait ay karumaldumal.

*******

Minsan ko na silang nakilala ng ganito, at mabuti na lang ay nasa kolehiyo na 'ko. Ngunit habang papalapit na ang pasukan, naisip ko kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari kung ang kaluluwa ng grupong ito e sumanib sa amin? Hindi ko gugustuhing maging kaibigan ang mga ganitong tao. Minsan, kilala ka lang pag may kailangan sa'yo. Minsan pupurihin ka pero pagkatalikod mo, puro panlalait na. Minsan gagamitin ka para sa ikauunlad nila. Paniniwalain na kakampi mo sila ngunit hindi naman talaga...

*******

Mabuti na lamang ay may mga taong katulad ni Edmund at Peter... kaya mahal na mahal ko sila eh.



© R. The names of the characters mentioned is taken from "The Chronicles of Narnia". Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you, __________, bitches.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Nalaman ko na wala nang bituin dito sa'min.

Umupo ako sa labas ng bahay namin para magpahangin. Di pa ko nakaka-rekober sa pagod ng pag-jog, peste talaga. Pinakuha ko ang aking laptop sa kapatid ko kahit naiinis na siya sa kakautos ko.

Nagisip ako ng ittype…
Napatingin ako sa langit…

Hindi katulad ng dati, kahel ang kulay ng kalangitan at hindi itim o asul. Tapos naalala kong may nagsabi sa’kin na kaya raw ganon ang kulay nun dahil sa polusyon. Woooooow ang reaksyon ko dahil hindi ko alam na ganon pala yun.

Natakpan na siguro ng usok (o kung anuman ang tawag dun) ang mga bituin. Gusto ko silang makita ngunit tila nahihiya silang masulyapan. Gusto ko silang halikan pero mapapaso dila ko, wag na lang pala. Gusto ko silang panoorin, okay lang sa’kin kahit yun lang gawin ko buong gabi. Gusto ko sana silang lapitan pero natatakot akong pumunta sa outer space, pakiramdam ko lalamunin ako ng katahimikan at ng kalawakan.

Haaay buhay, ang hirap magisip ng ipopost, kung anu-ano na sinasabi ko.

Nalaman ko na mabisang pampatalino ang jogging.

Created 4:54am

Isa raw kasi itong uri ng cardio exercise --- yung tipo ng ehersisyong makatutulong sa tamang pagtakbo ng ating mga puso at baga.

Interesado ka?
Magpapatalino ka noh?

Ang tamang paggana raw ng puso at baga ay makakatulong naman sa tamang suplay ng oxygen sa ating utak. Alam naman natin na kinakailanagan ng ating utak ng oxygen para gumana ng maayos . Bukod sa tamang suplay ng hanging ito, nakakatulong daw ang cardio exercises sa pagdagdag ng white fluid sa ating utak na tumutulong naman sa pagtalas ng memorya. Kung ano ito---ano ito? Di ko rin alam, sorry.

Ngayon, kaya ko ito nasabi ay dahil naisipan namin na mag-jog ngayon. Akalain mo yun, sumasakit na mga kasu-kasuan ko, ang lakas pa ng loob ko.

Apat na taon na ang nakakalipas, ganitong-ganito rin ang eksena sa taekwondo trainings ko. Sa lahat ng exercise na ginagawa namin, jogging ang pinaka-ayoko. Para kasing nagkakaroon ng sariling puso yung utak ko eh, pag napagod ng husto, tumitibok. Nahihirapan din akong huminga dahilan para sumuko ako. Pero ang salitang “suko” ay hindi uso sa’min noon. Sumuko ka at push-ups ang katapat mo.

Nalaman ko rin na hindi pa gising ang mga aso sa’min dito ng alas-kwatro kaya walang dapat ikatakot mag-jog. Hindi pa rin nagpapakita ang mga sumakabilang buhay na… dahil baka ako ang mapunta sa kabilang buhay pag nasulyapan ko sila.

Nalaman ko rin na mahina na ang mga binti ko. Kung dati higit sa liman-daang sipa ang kaya kong isipa sa sipaan, ngayon hindi na aabot ng isang-daan. Saklap. Kung sana eh hindi ako pinahintong mag-training noon para sa pesteng pageant na yan, kung sana mas naintindihan ko kung bakit dapat mag-train… kung sana hindi ako huminto eh di siguro black belter na ‘ko ngayon. Emo na ‘ko, penge eyeliner.

Hindi pa man kami tapos mag-jog, sumasakit na ulo ko. Nakakainis. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na may yelo sa noo mo, parang may hinampas na brick sa ulo mo, at tila may pumipisil sa utak mo… kung may utak ka man. Tapos bingi pa yung isang tenga ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko na ang pagtulo ng pawis ko at ang pagpulso ng mga laman ko.

Pag-uwi namin sa bahay, hinang-hina ako. Ayoko na mag-jog kaso nagyaya ulit sila na mag-jog. Utang na loob, ika ko. Pero di sila nagpaawat, masarap daw pagpawisan. Tinanong ko kung anong lasa, secret recipe daw yun.

(R) Ayoko na.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Nalaman ko na kahit gusto mo ang isang tao, hindi dapat sa kanya umikot ang mundo mo.

Mayroong anim na bilyong tao sa mundo at hindi ito umiikot para sa'yo o para sa isang tao. Hindi ito umiikot dahil lang masaya ka at hindi ito hihinto kahit malungkot ka pa.

Marami kang magagawa sa buhay mo kung hindi mo ito sasayangin kakaisip sa isang tao lalo na kung hindi ka rin naman niya iniisip. Masaya ring isipin na halos siya na ang bumubuo sa isang araw mo, isang linggo, isang buwan at pwedeng isang taon pa. Masaya, kung tutuusin, na gusto ka ng gusto mo at nagkakaintindihan kayo sa maraming bagay.

Pero hindi ka rin dapat masanay na nandyan lang siya lagi. Hindi mo dapat kalimutan na ikaw ay ikaw at siya ay siya. Hindi porke gusto mo siya at gusto ka niya, magkakaroon na kayo ng mundong pang-inyo lang. Hindi mo dapat kalimutan na may sari-sarili pa rin kayong buhay, kayo man o hindi.

Isang malaking pagkakamali kung hahayaan mong kainin ka ng sarili mong pagiisip na mabubuhay kayo ng kayo lang; na masaya ka dahil sa kanya lang; na malulungkot ka kung hindi kayo makakapag-usap kahit isang araw lang.

Isang malaking kahibangan ang mga bagay na ganito sapagkat ang buhay mo ay iyo. Hindi mo ito hiniram sa Diyos para hiramin ng ibang tao... o isang tao. Ikaw ang gagawa ng desisyon sa buhay mo. Ikaw ang mananagot sa lahat ng pagkakamali mo. Ikaw ang tatama sa mga maling nagawa mo.

Kahit sabihin pa nilang "nandito lang ako pag kailangan mo 'ko" o "hindi kita iiwan" o "naiintindihan kita", iba pa rin ang pakiramdam kung ikaw mismo ang nandyan para sa sarili mo, kung ikaw mismo ang hindi iiwan sa pagkatao mo para makisabay sa iba, kung ikaw mismo ang iintindi sa buhay mo at sa sarili mo.

Dahil bandang huli, ikaw lang naman talaga ang uunawa sa kung sino ka talaga. Ang utak mo ay hindi pag-aari ng iba. Hindi nila naiisip ang naiisip mo... Hindi nila iniisip ang iniisip mo...

Napakalaki ng mundo para ibigay ito sa isang tao lang. Hindi ito dapat maging hadlang para makilala mo ang sarili mo, ang ibang tao at higit sa lahat, ang Diyos.

Makapaghihintay ang lahat ng bagay.
May sagot sa lahat ng tanong.
May eksplanasyon ang bawat aksyon.
May rason lahat ng pagkakataon.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

Because I just saw a mood killer...

 
I'm absolutely serious.

Because I don't know a way better...


This is a boring life and all I did today was to sit and continue sitting until I feel my butt burning; screw my eyes on my laptop screen and update every single SNS I have; and watch movies...

But I still can't find any reasonable thing to do. Shit this life.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

When darkness became light.

      She woke up nearly half past an hour before midnight in a sudden darkness, denser than usual, with a man she hardly knows. Who was this, she asked in her mind but she knew she could not have an answer. The man took her into a dark street where people seemed to be queuing outside a large ancient-type building of Baroque style. She did not feel anything out of the ordinary yet she did not know what lies ahead. The man was covered with shadows of the trees surrounding them so that they were almost blocked from view and still they continued to walk on the way to the building.

      But they stopped and he looked behind. “Who’s that?” he called. There was no reply but he knew there was someone following them. They continued their night walk as if nothing happened… yet they knew something really happened.

      He was a guy of somewhere between adolescence and manhood; eighteen years old by the looks of it. He was carrying a camera usually used by professional photographers and seemed determined to follow this couple. He knew something was wrong yet he did not know what it could be. They strolled impossibly slower than they ought to. Or has the world seemed to be a lot slower than it should?

      He was hiding behind a car, beside a thicket and had geared up his camera, ready to take a photo of them without having a purpose of doing so yet ascertained by the feeling that he was about to do the right thing.

      Hearts beating fast.

      The man still swallowed by darkness appeared to envelop the girl in his arms as she reluctantly came closer. She was looking away; apparently knowing what he was about to do and evidently seeing no way of escaping this time. Then there was a flash of bright light. “Who was that!?” growled the man of darkness.

      The camera guy never felt as dumb and stupid as he was in his entire existence until that evening. He forgot the flashes… but he was able to capture the dreadful scene. Then he realized that there were silent scuffles and the strangers were approaching. He had no escape. He closed his eyes, praying for dear life…

      And then a deafening silence.

      He knew he did the girl a favor.

(R)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Obsession!

This is serious and I really have to consider admitting that my first (and probably my last) obsession is none other than Harry Potter. Ah, here I go again, talking about it. Anyway, I'm not a super fan and to prove that... let's see... Well, I've just managed to read HP 1-4 for three times, (or so I think) and HP 5-7 for the second time around. When I was on my 6th grade, my friend and I bought bunch of HP stuff: posters, pins and a lot more. That's essential for a kid at that time, you know. What else?
      Ah, I should also mention my older sister's freaking obsession put side-by-side to mine. Believe me, other than buying coloring kits and sticker book at her time she also bought this black leather book which is small and has the logo of Hogwarts at its cover. When you pop it open, you'll find that it's supposed to be filled with chips about Harry Potter. I can't get that clear but it's like you're collecting, er, chips; for example, of Hogwarts Express, of Hedwig and loads more. It's really amazing! I tried sneaking it from her that time but I got busted and I have no choice but to leave it alone.
      There's more! She nagged our maternal grandfather to go to some furniture-maker, you know those people who make wood carvings. I wondered why and left her alone. And one time I was bemused to see that she got a wand! Incredible! She's really stupid. I hate her. She begged for two wands and I got nothing! It was, as I remember, the wand of Gilderoy Lockhart and of Severus Snape:



Professor Gilderoy Lockhart's wand


Professor Severus Snape's wand

      Oh my gosh, she's so damn stupid. But the copy is not that good. It's bigger because the so-called "wandmaker" didn't know the size and my sister handed out a zoomed copy of the wands so the result is somewhere between acceptable and dreadful. We're not that addicted, see? And on my eighteenth, I requested for the hardbound set of Harry Potter series instead of my throwing a party which is more of a headache.

(R) Forgive me for posting too much.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Tergeo.

(R) The fact lives that this is a booby post. And I'm nothing but a multifaceted ogre. Teehee. And I'm a parrot who over-think things even the small stuff. Sweat at the wrong works. Plan pristinely, act wretchedly. Trying-hard leader, well sometimes, a nearly-responsible member. I want things. I don't want things. I like you. I hate you. This is how my life works. Undeniably confusing. Perfectly mismatched. And I'm disdainfully contented. Though not... sometimes. ;)


I'm not describing myself in, I suggest, a cruel way just so people will come and say nicest things to me to contradict what I believe myself to be. I write the things in the way I see it.


(R) For the title "Tergeo". I mean it to be 'for clarification' but I found two words annoying and I remembered this spell from Harry Potter.

Immense.

Dear friend,

      Evidently, I'm still stuck with this formatting style. But nevermind that, I just want to blab something. Here it goes:

      Well. I just realized that there are so many things I want to have; so many experiences I want to happen; people I want to befriend; bitches I wanna throw out of the building; bunch of wishes I want to come true... And I wonder whether any of these are worth having, experiencing or doing. I sometimes ask myself "to where do I really need to put myself to get things right?"
      I wanted... I mean, I even kept thinking if wanting these would be fine. Genuinely, I know some things are not mandatory to have but I think there's this monster within me who keeps nagging my brain to think of my desires. We're talking about material things and normal happenings in life here, okay? There are existent and nonexistent matter I continuously think. There are arguments in my head I can't settle...
      
There even came a point when I feel like there's a war in my head.
There's this voice that sounded very much like me:
    I want this and that and those, too, they're awesome to have! I wanna go here and travel the world. Hey, who's that? I don't know him much but it looks like he's interesting (might even be a famous person, I don't know) so I'll talk to him. I want to know why this thing happen. I want to have something others don't.

Then another voice popped in and surprisingly, it sounded like mine, too:
        You already have everything others don't. And you just don't talk to people because they're interesting or famous. You talk to them because you just feel like... not to gain something or anything for your own advantage. Plus, you can't have all life's treasures. If you have everything, where will you put it?

And then, they started throwing words at each other. Sometimes, the other was right... sometimes, the other. They have their own points and own faults and the next thing I know, I really don't know what to think.
        But I'm not asking for everything!
        You're still asking too much of what you can have.
        Does that make a difference?
        It all makes the difference.
        How come?
        In all ways you can't think of because you're a shallow-minded fool.
        Don't you dare call me that! If I'm a fool, then you are, too!
        I'm not. I always think twice, even thrice, before I act.
        Then that made you the fool. You always keep thinking. You never had the chance to do things in one grab. You always think.
        I think to make me wise. If I don't then I won't have the opportunity to expand my knowledge. End of the story.
        You don't understand. Sometimes, there are things that are more amusing to do without thinking whether you need to do it or not.
        How come you say that? I see not the way you do.
        Because you're a shallow-minded fool.
        How dare you rebound that to me?
        I thought you think? Why not do it now? Then, let's see...

And this second speaker, the one who always think, groped for answers that her partner can barely understand. They see not the way the other does. And they continued to shoot arguments and counterarguments... not knowing where this battle ends.
        It's you who don't understand. If you do one thing without thinking and you failed, where will your fruits lay? None but six feet below. All your efforts... without thinking... will be gone with the wind.
        Nicely put. I see you really think. But you forgot that sometimes, failure is essential. You fail, you learn and sometimes you don't repeat the same things.
       That's absurd. You don't always learn and sometimes you keep repeating the same mistakes you did. No lesson learned because at the first place, you did not think.
       "Mistakes only become mistakes when you never learn from it."
        Ridiculous! That's an ancient saying! "When you do one thing, there's a tendency to repeat it." And your mistake is not an exception.
        So you're saying  we should not make a mistake? Impossible. It's a natural process!
        Precisely. A natural process, yet you can minimize its effect if you think. Think, my dear, think.


        You're not making any sense!
       So are you.

It ends for now because of the sudden exhaustion of the mind they are dwelling in. It ends for now... for the mean time. But prepare, for the circumstances are not stagnant, and the time to be at war again is not so far. The essence of their defenses, however, is as empty as the content of a half-full champagne glass I tried to drink on one occasion.


(R) The fact lives that this is a booby post. And I'm nothing but a multifaceted ogre. Teehee. And I'm a parrot who over-think things even the small stuff. Sweat at the wrong works. Plan pristinely, act wretchedly. Trying-hard leader, well sometimes, a nearly-responsible member. I want things. I don't want things. I like you. I hate you. This is how my life works. Undeniably confusing. Perfectly mismatched. And I'm disdainfully contented. Though not... sometimes. ;)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

"Isn't 'seven' the most powerfully magical number? "

Dear friend,

      Well, I guess, I have to stick with this format until I create another blog. Just to say, I was reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and I was on the part where they were (Dumbledore and Harry) discussing about the Horcruxes so that explains the title.

      I haven't taken a bath and was, in my own perception, in the mood not to talk or entertain any guests as I usually do these past few weeks. I was, as I have mentioned, very busy wracking my eyes to read the book and concentrating every single bit of my soul to keep track of the story. Although occasionally snatching my phone from the side table at my right to check if someone remembers me. This is what I hate about summer, it's like all your friends have their own world without you. But it doesn't matter, I say, I can see them in no time. Anyway there is... never mind.

      I imagined my face: eyebrows are glued end-to-end; few drops of sweat on my nape and at the side of my face where muttonchops usually place themselves; eyeballs hovering relentlessly over the pages of the book; ears hearing nothing except the soft rustling of my turning the page; nose... well, I found no use for my nose as of that moment.
      Believe me, I can almost bury myself deep within it and may even have the luck to see its spine. Then, as I was so engaged in my pleasurable pastime, I heard a distant voice of a girl calling some five miles away. Or at least that's how I assume the distance.
      My mum went out to check and went back inside and talked to me. She said, in a state of wondering who might it be, "May naghahanap sa'yo sa labas."
      My heart sank. I was literally gaping at my mum as if she's telling me something so stupid I just can't believe my ears. Who can that be... I was so nervous and I don't have the business to tell you why. Well, okay, let me tell you. I have this friend of mine who somehow wanted to see me and I accepted the invite but cancelled it eventually because I remembered we were bound to go to our province. Then I had known that our trip to our province was also cancelled and I never bothered to press on with my friend's hanging-out invite. So I was worrying, what if that person is the friend I'm talking about and that person found out I was here and that person would freak out, curse me, and would tell me I'm a popped-up liar-in-the-making? This was the worst feeling for this day.

      I continued gaping at my mum and asked her, fear creeping through me, "Sino raw?" I only had speculations but was never sure if one of it was correct.
      As if expecting this question, she continued to stare at me and replied, "Hindi ko kilala eh..."
      All my blood seemed to have dried out and my brain was stifling. Who the ruddy hell will visit me, cut out my 'pleasurable pastime', and never mention a word of his/her visit?
      I reluctantly stood up, desperately thinking how I look like. I have no time to look at the mirror so I simply put my hand on my mouth, I'm really wondering. I know I look stupid, like I haven't been touched by the sun for months. Hair tied in a ponytail, headband put on (because I don't like a single strand dangling), my clothes, too! I swear if we weren't Muggles and we study in a school called Hogwarts, you'd mistaken me for a house-elf.
      I opened the screen door and saw to my disbelief; a girl in white shirt, almost-faded jeans which, by the look of it, was made from a cloth softer than the usual type you use for typical trousers, shoes that looks like boots in a nice way, made from --er--from what looks like black velvet cloth and a black, leather body bag the size of 5/6 short bond paper. I measured it just now.
      I gawked at her for a moment, not sure who she was, but nevertheless made an exclamation of certainty. "Oh!" Then I smiled, I think I was right. "Uy! Haha!"
     She was standing in a position where you could think she wanted a fight: chin held high in a side view, bangs in the left side of her forehead almost covering her left eye. She smiled and said, "Uy, bakit?"
      I continued my pretension of knowing who she was one-hundred percent while having my mouth stretched ear-to-ear in a wide smile. "Uy! Oh my gosh. Ikaw yan?" I said it with a tone of disbelief plus amazement plus uncertainty.
        She continued to smile, this time wider. "Uy bakit?"
      I was almost laughing because it was my usual reaction, you know, when I meet people I know... or seemed to know in this occasion. Then reality came back from nowhere: what if she isn't who I thought she was? Oh my gosh, this is incredulous! The fact lives... I need to do something to know she really is who I thought she is.
      I suppressed a laugh to make it more comical and so she can't notice I'm unsure of her personality, and said, "Wait. Haha. Oh my gosh. Ikaw ba yan? Sherween?"
      The smile never left her face and then she nodded. I'm safe. My soul almost went mental.