Despise.

Dear friend,

     Is it normal to hate people? I know of a person that sort of represent everything I despise in the world and worse, I get to see her every waking morning.

     Yes, it's a 'her'.

     But who she is, I guess it's better to be left unsaid to avoid misunderstandings. How it started is a different matter and I guess I'd love to share the story with you. Just promise that whoever you are reading this blog and you know me personally and you know this person I'm talking about and you want us to talk about it... leave a message: private or not. Don't dare mention the name or hell will eat you.

     So it went like this: We were friends back then until I realized she was never really a friend.

     She pretends not to be anyone's enemy but for me, she was nobody's real friend. I don't know, I'm not sure. But I am aware of the fact that she has this characteristic in her that makes people think she's a good friend. I saw that in her too, until I partly sensed that she was faking it. She has been faking it all along.

     I remembered my Literature professor mentioning something about Shakespeare saying, "At every word, every reputation can be ruined" but I can't find it in Google. And I think it's what I'm doing this very moment. On the other hand, I personally believe that blogging about what I feel is far easier than keeping it to myself. I'm really scared to explode, honestly.

     This person has the knack of convincing people that she is on your side when some fights are happening. But absolutely, she was not and she was never. All those times I believed her to be fixing a problem by not meddling with it, I proved myself wrong.

     One day, I was quite intrigued by the reactions of one friend of mine towards me. I've also noticed that these two people (A and B. "A" being the original person we're talking about, "B" is the supporting actress) are getting along well with each other so I thought that they were up to something about me and those I got by my side. In another occurrence, A told me something that B told her something about me. Did you get that? I think it's quite vague. But here's the thing. B said something about me to A, then A said that B said something about me. I think you get it now.

     The way she said it, it's as if she's trying to get a smooth sail on things but I'm an observant person and I saw the hole in her pretension. I bet she's expecting me to say something in return and I bet she's waiting for another claim to report to B. I'm not that stupid, really. I was wise enough just to nod and pretend I get everything she uttered. I know that when I ask just one question, my plot to know things will be put into closure because of my desire to know what else friend B said.

      After getting enough evidence of how she treats people and act around them, I never tried to get close to her ever again. I've had enough and I got no desire to bring back what was once there especially if my perception of her personality is tarnished by my own intellectual and emotional judgment.

      I should clear: we are not each other's enemies, but we are not friends either. We still talk to each other but just in a casual way. It's like talking to a complete stranger you know. Perfectly contradicting. I don't mind her being around too, because I have no intention of putting myself on her shoes especially if it smells stench.

     She could have talked to me straight in my beautiful face about the problems we had but she never grabbed a chance. Oh, how she loved stabbing words at my back and how I loved shooting her with fiery silence and piercing eyes.

      We already said sorry to each other. I thought we had forgotten about it... but her eyes are telling me something that until now is confusing.

        But I should never forget to let doors open. I'm still fine talking with her. But I think it's best to be careful and cautious. And if time and fate permits, I want the friendship back.

Sincerely Yours,

Confused Heroine